oh yah sure

It seems like my mother has surrounded herself with women named Barb and Marcia for at least as long as I have been alive. She is such a baby boomer (the midwestern accent only amplifies the effect).

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a challenge from me to hollywood

I'm waiting for the guy who creates a doomsday movie where, despite everyone's best efforts, the world really does end. I think that might be the bravest thing a film-maker could do. The closest I think anyone has ever come is The Neverending Story.

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i. am. starving.

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obvious note to self

never watch nights in fucking rodanthe. Especially not now. But also just never in general. I hate myself for being such a woman. oh and ps, i cant imagine being ann-veal-actress's age and having to pretend that christopher meloni was my father. All of our interactions would have a distinctly incest-y vibe. pps i wish i was viola davis ppps im wearing a wool sweater on july 17th, this is some b-u-l-l SHIT

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Goddamn i feel almost paralyzed tonight.

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i must have done something shitty this week in my other life

So i went to the ob/gyn today to get a routine pap (as well as a barrage of std tests that i thought were probably a good idea) and while she was giving me my breast exam she found a 4cm lump in my breast tissue right below my armpit. Ive been schedule for an ultrasound, and she said that there is a possibility its just a benign hardening or a lymph node. But i'm kind of freaked out.


So yeah, now i have to wait 2 days to go in and get the actual ultrasound done. I dont even know what an ultrasound is. Is that the one where i lay in the spinning magnet machine? I guess ill wikipedia it, and in the meantime please dont tell anyone that im getting a doctorate in a healthcare-related area.

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super emo, pity party diary-type blog, read at own discretion

Ivan and i are over. He cheated on me. Have I written this blog before?

The thing that makes this one hard is how honest I was with him. How I told him how difficult it was for me to be in a relationship, how hard it is to open up, how long it takes me to say I love you. And apparently none of it mattered. None of it made a difference. It's just the same old shit one more time. I'm not sure what upsets me more, how blatantly he disregarded my feelings, or how common he turned out to be. Sometimes it seems like there is only one man in the whole world.

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