news from today

I'm borrowing Jimmy's roommate's car today because Emily's broke down and she wanted to take mine to Columbia to save on gas. In the center console alone there is a geode, a megalodon tooth, and a paperweight with a scorpion in it. I've never met this dude but I kind of want to now.

Also, I went to read with my friend Katie for a role that she is auditioning for in some independent horror movie, and am pretty sure I almost had to make out with her. I mean, I guess if he had actually asked us to follow the cues I would have taken one for the team and done it to help her out, but come on. Lesbo action in a low budget horror film is just, well...gay.

oh geez...

I plucked the following note off of the windshield of my car yesterday:


At first, I was so happy it wasn't a parking ticket that I did a merry jig around to the side of my car in celebration. But after the jubilation wore off and reality set back in, I re-read the note and became rather annoyed. My problems with this note are as follows:

1. I was in a completely legal spot. Just because it is inconvenient that a person parked behind you does not make that person in question a moron. Nor does it make that person inconsiderate. All it means is that life teaches tough lessons sometimes. The lesson that should have been learned in this case is that if there are three parallel spaces in a row and you need copious access to your 'back bay' (I assume that means 'trunk'), don't park in the middle space.

2. I can't imagine a situation in which I would be so helpless that I couldn't remedy a situation like this without soliciting hysterical help from a complete stranger. Solution: put you existing kid in its carseat, pull out of the offending spot, open the trunk, and throw the goddamn stroller in. This is not a difficult problem to solve.

3. Unless you are Jesus Christ, King of Heaven and All Earthly Parking Spaces, you can't just have someone towed from a public space because you feel like it. I feel like the woman is lucky she didn't call the towing company because they probably would have had a good laugh at her expense before telling her to chill the fuck out.

4. Obviously this woman does not know me personally, because if she did she would know to NEVER, under any circumstances, pull the pregnancy card if you expect any sympathy from me. Oh, you have a baby? Oh, you're having another baby? Not my fucking problem. Just because you've been knocked up twice does not mean that the rules of society will suddenly change to make things easier for you.

Anyway, this one's for you Pregnant Harpy, whoever you are...

this is EXACTLY how i feel about the Bible

I'm so glad that there are people out there more articulate than myself who can put the way I feel about certain subjects into coherent print. This statement was made by Nicole LaMarche, who was Miss California in 2003 and is an ordained minister:

"As a pastor and a former Miss California, I am often asked to interpret what the Word of God has to say on a particular subject. I am quite confident that God prefers that we human beings stick to speaking for ourselves. And yet there are occasions when God’s Word is used as a weapon, and I feel compelled to speak.

In the past few days, much has been made of the words of Miss California USA, Carrie Prejean. She stated that marriage is between a man and a woman. I write not in response to her opinion, but rather about her comments that followed: that the Bible condones her words. She said, 'It's not about being politically correct, it's about being biblically correct.' While this sentiment is shared by many who seek to condemn gay people and gay marriage, citing pieces of the Bible to further one’s own prejudice fails to meet the Bible on its own terms.

Most people seeking to condemn gay people point to the Book of Leviticus, where we read that men lying with men is an abomination. However, we rarely hear of other verses found in the book of Leviticus that are equally challenging. For example, Leviticus also tells us that eating shrimp and lobster is an abomination. And that a person should not wear material woven of two kinds of material—an impossible mandate for a pageant contestant!

In Paul’s letter to the community in Corinth we read, ‘For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church….’ And yet these words have not prevented Christian denominations from ordaining women, such as myself. Sadly, the Bible has been used to further prejudice throughout history. We have used it to permit ourselves to enslave people; to conquer and kill; and to denigrate the earth.

The truth is that it is difficult to know for sure the intentions of the biblical authors, but we do know something about God. Those of us who know God through Jesus of Nazareth know that he went to great lengths to express God’s love to people who were labeled as outcasts. He spent time with children, prostitutes, and lepers, all of whom were labeled as outside of the grasp of the Holy. As we continue to seek God’s vision for us as a nation grounded in a love for justice, I pray that we might move closer to the cause of grace.”

OH GOD, THE HOMO STORM GOT ME!!!

I'll be brief. not *a* brief, like the underwear. but, you know, concise. oh forget it.

I have another same-sex crush. It used to be Dani from A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. Now it's my dance teacher Jenny. Fortunately I'm not alone in this one--I was describing to Dina how I think Jenny is awesome and I want her to be my boyfriend and everything, and Dina looked at me and was like "me too!" What can a say, the bitch is magnetic.

I love this time of year. It's like 68 degrees outside (fahrenheit, not celsius--some asshole actually asked me that the other day) and breezy and sunny and dry. I have heard that Portland is like this throughout the entirety of the summer. I can't wait to get there.

I haven't seen Erin in like two weeks or something and I really miss her. In related news, I haven't seen Kelly in four months and REALLY miss her.

I had the most horrific nightmare last night that I had gotten engaged without my knowledge to this guy Jamie who I haven't seen, spoken to, or thought about in years. The dream felt like it went on for weeks, and it was just this horrid ordeal in which I was trying to figure out how to break off the engagement without anyone feeling bad or getting angry. During the course of the dream I actually remember thinking "this HAS to be a dream!", after which I would look down at my finger and see the ring still there. At one point I even tried to get on facebook, because I was sure he was already married and wanted to check. But when I tried to log in they were like "you're not on facebook any more, and have forfeited all facebook privileges!" Well, obviously THAT'S not very realistic since you can't actually leave facebook permanently without a friggin court order, but I still could not wake up. And when I did finally wake up I was all sweaty and feverish and twisted up in the sheets.

i hate not having a title

Dina keeps talking on her jawbone bluetooth thing and i keep answering the questions that she is asking, thinking that she is talking to me and not the person on the phone. I think its so unfair that something which should make the user look like an idiot (a bluetooth headset) most of the time just ends up making everyone around that person look like an idiot (me).

foto del dia

this morning is full of deep thoughts

i have very conflicted feelings about angelina jolie. i very much admire that she has committed so much of her time to humanitarian efforts. at the same time, i think that her obsessive collection of tiny human beings is kind of sick. but then my superficial side takes over as it is wont to do, and i can't help but think there is nothing sexier than this:

Lacey gave me this yesterday. This is going to be the best summer ever.

Summer '09 To Do List:

*Skydiving
*Camping Trip
*Williamsburg/Busch Gardens Trip
*Cabrewing
*Sand Bury Party
*Brew Beer/Moonshine
*Water Balloon Fight
*Fort On The Beach
*Strip Dodgeball
*Stage Fake Band Open Mic
*Slip N Slide
*Frankie's Fun Park
*Paintball
*80's Prom Party
*Car Wash/Rap Video (Roger Rabbit, etc)
*Half Way to Halloween Party
*Booze Cruise
*From Scratch 'Ritas
*Masquerade Ball
*Pick Strawberries
*Watermelon Seed Spitting Contest
*Good Will Makeover Day
*Greet People as Mascots
*Pass Out Scrambled Eggs at the Beach
*Time Traveler?
*Photo Scavenger Hunt
*Celery/Watermelon Eating Contest
*Zoo/Museum
*Bike Croquet
*Water Park
*Wacky Raft Day
*Anything But A Cup Day
*Wig Fiesta
*Soap Box Derby
*Kid Mind Fuck (I'm you from the future)
*Fake Frat