My friend from work recently sliced her foot open on a broken beer bottle during what I assume was a drunken night out downtown. Because she was drunk, she wasn't thinking clearly and went to the emergency room, which everyone knows is like the last place you should go if you have an actual emergency, seeing as you are more likely to bleed to death in the lobby or be shot by a strung out crackhead than actually be treated for your ailment. But anyway, lesson learned the hard way, and around 7 hours later she was admitted and stitched up by a an unsettlingly young-looking intern. It turned out though, that his inexperience worked in her favor, because instead of advising her to stay off the foot and pop some extra strength tylenol for pain (the logical advice), he prescribed her 60 doses of Percocet.
Now, I've never been into prescription drugs (or any type of drugs for that matter), but even I was inspired by the potential in 60 unneeded doses of a common street narcotic. We went online to see what the street value of one pill was. $40. Total value of her prescription: $2,400. Wow.
However, the reality of the situation is that both of us are total squares and would never try to actually sell prescription meds to random people on the street. I wouldn't even know how to do it. I can just see myself typing "drug deal pills how" into google and then printing out the first 6 hits and filing them in a notebook to study. It wouldn't work.
Also related to me being a square however, is the fact that I have never taken any type of narcotic painkiller without actually being in need of it. And its been like ten years anyway. So I took a couple home, thinking that it might be kind of an interesting way to pass a night at the house by myself.
So around 10 or so everyone in my house went to bed (since we are all 24 going on 90, obviously) and I hopped into bed and took both of the pills, dry swallowing. I started to read, not really knowing what to expect, just thinking that I would get really relaxed and happy. Well, nothing happened for a while, and I wasn't getting tired, so I decided to put in Kill Bill since I hadn't seen it in a while and was sort of in the mood for bloodshed.
Suddenly, I think it was around the part where The Bride slaughters O-Ren Ishii's teenage bodyguard by popping her in the head with a nail-studded chair leg, I looked around my room and realized that everything around me was pleasantly hazy. At the same time, I realized that Kill Bill was the best movie I have ever seen in my entire life. I was seriously sitting bolt upright in bed, grinning like a maniac and mouthing "yeah! woo!!!! pow! bam! fwap!!!" in sync with every juno chop and roundhouse kick to the face she could dish out. Then the movie ended. So I started it over again. The beginning was equally genius.
Moral of the story, when you grow up and can make all of your own decisions, if you happen to stumble upon a couple of pain meds and have a free night, take them. Even if you are a relatively straightedge dork like me. Thank me later.
1 comment:
that is HILARIOUS. when i come down that's what we're doing thanks
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