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I'm in the midst of my typical post-get-together blues, wherein I am depressed for 2-4 days following time spent with my best friends and/or family.  I hate that I feel like this--I have managed to develop solid friendships with a number of people here and genuinely enjoy my life, but these relationships tend to feel relatively hollow compared to the people I just left.  It feels ungrateful, or stubborn or something, as if I'm actively preventing myself from forming deeper bonds with newer people because I know I have this other, permanent safety net of communication and understanding. 

At the same time though, everyone I know right now--everyone--will be gone in a year.  We will be scattered across the country/planet exactly the way we were before we first met.  And I 'll be starting over once more, probably in a new city, possibly (but hopefully not) still far away from my safety net.  I've always prided myself on being a solitary ship in the night, but as I get older it starts to get harder.  I have a feeling like maybe I'd like to settle somewhere more permanently, but at the same time I haven't the first clue where I want to go.  I feel lonesome for the first time (but not lonely, I feel like there's a difference)--like I can't talk about what I'm feeling because I honestly don't know how.  There's no way to connect.  It feels flat, and melancholy.