Open letter to Cameron Diaz

Dear Cameron Diaz*,

So I'll be up front in saying that I can't actually stand your acting and haven't been able to watch you in anything without cringing since There's Something About Mary (which I actually love).  But, I sort of like you in general as a celebrity personality, and when there is an article about you online I'll click in it to see whats up more often than not.

Well, today I was reading an article on some new movie you're in, and I noticed in this picture that you're starting to get some little age lines and stuff around your eyes.  Nothing extreme, just the kind of stuff you might see on someone who is 39.  Which is how old you are.  I know you will see these pictures as well, and I know that you are gonna start freaking out and looking up plastic surgeons to slice off little slivers of your lower eyelids and inject ass fat into your cheeks and botox the shit out of your face.  And I just have one request:

PLEASE DONT DO THIS.  FIGHT IT.  FIGHT IT TO THE DEATH.

You are at a crossroads.  At this moment you clearly havent had anything done to your face, and have let it go just far enough that people will absolutely notice if you DO have something done.  So you can do one of two things:

1.  Get plastic surgery.  Everyone will notice.  You will deny it, fooling no one.  Tabloids will run mean spreads featuring before and after photos next to each other, and the article will manage to be like "shes afraid of getting old AND she still single HOW SAD!"  After you get surgery once you will have to continue to tweak the results as you age further, and the results will be increasingly freakish, until eventually you will be one of those old women who is clearly old, but has that sad plastic surgery face.

OR...

2. Don't get plastic surgery.  People will gradually notice you're getting more wrinkles as time time goes on.  Tabloids will run mean spreads with pictures of you at 21 and you now right next to each other, and they will be like "UGHH look how OLD her face is getting!!  Shes getting wrinkles around her EYES!  CELEBRITIES, THEY'RE JUST LIKE US!!"  Assholes everywhere will wonder why you don't get a touch up or something, its not like you cant afford it lol!! 

But then, as you proceed through your forties, people will gradually go from indignance at you allowing yourself to age, to disbelief that you STILL havent done anything about it, to grudging respect.  Everyone worth a shit will think you're really cool for symbolically telling hollywood to go fuck itself.  People will compare you to people like Meryl Streep and Helen Mirren, who are universally cool despite looking their age.  It'll be shocking and badass. 

Bottom line: you have a small but distinct window to actually be as cool as you seem to want everyone to think you are.  You are also one of those women who will have a slammin body as long as you live.  You can totally pull this off.  CHALLENGE EXTENDED.

*This letter can apply to many actresses at a similar stage in the aging process, I just happened to be looking at Cameron Diaz's picture.